Why Does My Child Struggle with Changes in Routine? (Guide for Parents)
Does your child get upset when their routine is changed? Learn the reasons, signs, and simple parenting tips to help your child deal with changes.
“Why does my child react so strongly to such a minor change in their daily routine?” Have you ever asked this question? Trust me; you’re definitely not alone. Many parents face this situation, especially when their child is a toddler or a small child.
According to studies, children need predictability. They need to know what is going to happen next. When a sudden change happens in their daily routines, such as a late bedtime, a new schedule, or a new plan, they may feel anxious, confused, and frustrated.
We may think this is a small thing, but for our kids, this is a big problem, a problem that affects their “safe world.” That is the reason we may sometimes witness tantrums, clinginess, and opposition.
In this article, we shall explore why kids have difficulties in adapting to changes in their routine, the signs you should look out for in a child who is having difficulties in adapting to changes in their routine, and how you, as a parent, can use parenting strategies to teach your kid how to adapt to changes in their routine.
Why Routine Matters So Much for Children
A routine, as it applies to children, is not just a schedule of activities for the day. It is the foundation on which their emotional and mental well-being is built. When a child knows what the day holds, when it is time to eat, when it is time to go to sleep, and when it is time to play, they feel grounded. It improves their behaviour and makes them feel secure. A routine, especially for toddlers and young children, provides them with a sense of safety, where they can grow and develop as children with confidence.
Builds a Sense of Safety and Emotional Security
When children have a routine, their world feels safe and controlled. They know what comes next. They are not forced to guess or wonder what the day holds. It makes them feel emotionally secure. When the routine changes often, the child can get confused and feel uneasy, which can manifest as a tantrum or clinginess.
Helps Children to Understand “What Happens Next”
Children benefit from understanding “what happens next” through the help of routines. For example, if a child knows that a nap follows a lunch, he or she will be able to prepare for the nap. The child will find it easier to move from one point to another because he or she understands “what happens next.”
Supports Children’s Brain Development and Self-Regulation
Routines are essential to a child’s brain development. Repetitive activities, which are a result of a daily routine, improve a child’s learning process. Routines also help a child to develop self-regulation skills, which are important in a child’s life. Self-regulation skills include emotional regulation, patience, and obedience.
Reduces Anxiety and Behavioural Issues
When a routine is followed, children are spared from the anxiety of an unexpected change. As a result, the anxiety levels of children automatically come down. Children who are part of a routine generally throw fewer tantrums, are cooperative, and have a predictable behaviour pattern. On the other hand, an unpredictable routine may lead to irritability and frustration in children.
Encourages Independence and Confidence
A routine helps children learn to be independent. When children perform daily activities, such as brushing teeth, dressing up, or doing homework, in a particular order, they eventually learn to perform them independently. This helps them feel confident. Children develop a mental attitude of “I can do this myself,” which is important for their personality development.
Common Reasons Why Children Struggle with Changes in Routine
Lack of Predictability
Children prefer routines as they are aware of what is going to happen next in their daily lives. When a change in routine happens, the child becomes confused. Their minds are not yet prepared for a change, which causes them confusion and frustration.
Lack of Emotional Control in Young Children
Young children are still learning how to effectively manage their emotions. When a change in routine happens, the child may not be able to express their emotions regarding the situation. This causes them to become frantically upset, cry, or even become frustrated. This is not yet a sign of a naughty or disobedient child, as this is still part of their learning process in managing their emotions.
Fear of the unknown or new situations
New experiences are exciting for young children, yet at the same time, these experiences are frightening for them as well. Children are afraid of what they do not know or what they do not expect, and this fear causes them to be resistant or even attempt to avoid the situation or change. Children feel comfortable and secure when they are in familiar situations, and this is why they do not like to let go of familiar situations.
Sensory sensitivities in some children
Some children are sensitive to sensory stimuli, such as loud sounds, bright lights, or crowded spaces. When a change in routine occurs, these children experience several new and overwhelming stimuli, and as a result, they become cranky, which makes it difficult for them to adjust to the change.
Developmental conditions (e.g., autism, ADHD)
There are children who have developmental conditions, and in their case, their routine is even more important. Children suffering from autism or ADHD find comfort in a routine. It is very stressful for such children to change their routine, as they need more time to adapt to the change. Strong Attachment to Familiar Patterns and Environments
Children tend to attach themselves to the things they see every day, such as a routine, a place, or people. It is this familiarity that makes a child feel comfortable. When changes occur in their patterns, they feel uncomfortable. It is, therefore, natural for children to hold on to their previous routines and avoid changes.
Signs Your Child Is Struggling with Routine Changes
Tantrums or Meltdowns during Transition
When there is a sudden change in a child’s routine, for example, from playtime to study time, or going out of the house, a child will sometimes have a tantrum or a meltdown. This is because they are unsure of what is going on next. The mind of a child is still developing and is unable to cope with sudden changes. Hence, a child will sometimes cry, scream, or fall on the floor. This is a “stress response” and is never an “attention-seeking” behaviour.
Resistance to a New Plan
When a child constantly says no to a new plan, it is a sure sign that they are struggling with a new plan. A child feels comfortable and secure in a situation where there are familiar things. When a new plan is introduced, a child will sometimes resist. This is never a stubborn behaviour but an insecure behaviour.
Increased clinginess or separation anxiety
When there is a change in the routine of the child, the child is likely to become clingier. This means that the child wants you around them at all times and does not want you out of their sight. When a child is clingier than usual, this is a sign that the child is not comfortable with the change in the routine. When there is a change in the routine of the child, the child needs more comfort from you.
Sleep disturbances or appetite changes
When there is a change in the routine of the child, the change has a direct effect on the sleep and appetite of the child. You may notice that the child is not sleeping properly at night or is eating a lot more or less than usual. This is a sign that the child is experiencing internal stress as a result of the change in the routine.
Withdrawal or Irritability
Sometimes, a child does not manifest their feelings openly. Instead, they become withdrawn or irritable. They may lose interest in their usual activities, talk less than usual, or get angry at trivial things. These are significant signs of an emotionally distressed child.
How Different Age Groups React to Changes in Routine
Toddlers (1 – 3 years): Crying, tantrums, confusion
Children in this age group are at a point where they are trying to comprehend the world around them. To them, a routine is a safe environment. Therefore, when a change of routine happens, such as a last-minute outing or a change in the time of going to bed, the child is unable to comprehend what is going on.
As a result of this, the child is likely to display behaviours such as crying, tantrums, or clinginess. This is the only way the child is able to express their confusion and lack of understanding of the change of routine. The behaviours of the toddler at this time tend to be more emotional because the child is unable to express their feelings coherently.
Preschoolers (3-5 years): Resistance, questioning, emotional outbursts
Preschoolers have a slightly higher level of awareness, but acceptance of changes is still a problem with them. For instance, when a routine is changed, preschoolers resist it and ask questions like, “Why?” or “What happens now?”
If the child does not receive a proper explanation and preparation, the child is likely to show signs of frustration. Emotional outbursts like anger, crying, and obstinacy are common at this stage. This is because, at this stage, the child has a fundamental need to have a sense of control.
School-age children: Anxiety, irritability, avoidance behaviours
School-age children have a level of awareness, and though they think logically, the child still has a need to have a routine. For instance, when a routine is changed in the schedule, such as a change in the timings of the school, the child experiences internal anxiety.
This anxiety may take the form of irritability, which might be shown through anger over minor issues. At other times, they might try to avoid the situation altogether, such as staying away from going to school or trying to avoid a particular activity. The child needs to be assured and needs to be communicated with.
Children with special needs: The need for a strong reaction and a structured transition
For children with special needs, such as those with autism or ADHD, the need for a routine is even higher. For them, a predictable routine acts as a support system.
If a routine is broken, the reaction of a child with special needs might be much stronger, which might take the form of a strong meltdown, withdrawal, or an increase in rituals. Hence, a structured transition is extremely important for them.
Preparation of the child for a change needs to be gradual.
Practical Strategies to Help Your Child Cope with Changes
Prepare your child in advance for the changes
Children find it difficult to cope with sudden changes, and they do not find them easy to accept. Therefore, it is vital to prepare your child for the changes. For example, if a change in their daily routine is expected, such as a change in school timing, travel, or arrival of guests, you should prepare your child for the changes. You should tell your child about the changes well in advance. You should also tell them about the changes during your daily conversation or before they go to bed. It is vital to make sure that your child is comfortable and feels at ease.
Use visual schedules or routine charts.
Visual schedules can also help your child cope with changes. Visual schedules are usually effective for children, especially for toddlers. You should create a visual schedule of your child’s daily routines, including their wake-up time, playtime, mealtime, and bedtime. By using a visual schedule, your child will have a better idea of what is going to happen next, and they will find it easy to cope with the changes.
Provide transition warnings (“5 minutes left”, etc.)
Children often find it difficult when there is a sudden change in their activities. Therefore, it is extremely beneficial to warn them before a change happens. For example, when you want the child to stop playing and prepare for dinner, you could warn them that “We will have dinner in 5 minutes.” After this, you could remind them of the time left in intervals of 2 minutes and 1 minute. This helps the child prepare their mind for the next activity and thus reduces the chances of a tantrum.
Maintain consistency where possible.
Consistency is extremely important in the life of a child. Changes in everything around them could cause them a lot of distress. Therefore, as much as possible, try to maintain consistency in the daily routine of the child. This includes their sleep time, time for meals, and time allocated for their studies. If there is a change in one of these aspects, try to maintain the other aspects as consistent as possible. This helps the child feel comfortable and thus facilitates their power of adaptation.
Offer choices to give a sense of control
When a child feels that he or she has a degree of control, it is much easier for the child to adjust to changes. You may ask a child, for example, “Would you like to do your homework first, or have a snack?” or “Would you like to wear the red T-shirt today, or the blue one?” This way, the child feels in control and therefore does not protest as much. This method is useful when you are trying to make changes in the child’s daily routine.
How to Make Transitions Easier at Home
Establish a Predictable Daily Routine
For a child, a daily routine generates a feeling of security. When a child is aware of what is going on and what is going to happen next, their level of anxiety automatically subsides. Hence, it is advisable that, as far as possible, a daily routine of activities such as wake-up times, mealtimes, playtimes, and sleep times be maintained consistently every day. This way, the child feels a sense of security, and the transitions do not become stressful for the child.
Use Simple and Clear Communication
It is natural for a child to face difficulties in understanding complex communication, especially when a change is introduced in their life. Hence, it is advisable that, as and when a change or a transition is introduced in a child’s life, simple and clear communication be used, as in: “We have to switch off the TV in 5 minutes.” Or, “Now, we are going home from the park.” This way, the child is mentally prepared for the change, and hence, no resistance is shown by the child.
Break Changes into Smaller Steps
It is quite difficult for a child to cope with a change if it is too big or complex. Therefore, it is advisable to divide the change into smaller steps, which are easy for a child to cope with. For instance, if a change has to be made in a child’s sleep schedule, it is advisable to first change the sleep schedule and then gradually move on to other habits.
Use of Comfort Objects
Some children may find it comfortable to carry their favourite toys or objects along with them, and these objects may prove helpful in times of change and transition for a child. For instance, a child may be going to school or a different place, and it may be advisable for the child to carry his or her favourite object along.
Make Transitions Fun Games or Activities
In place of a boring or stressful transition, a fun way to go through the transition process can be implemented. For example, a “clean-up race” or “who gets ready first” can be played. The child’s focus will be shifted to a fun way of enjoying the transition process. The fun-filled way of handling transitions makes them smooth.
Conclusion
Every child needs a routine, but when a child has difficulty with change, this does not mean anything is “wrong.” It means the child needs more support, understanding, and preparation.
Creating a predictable environment, preparing the child for changes, and being patient with the child can go a long way in helping the child develop more confidence and flexibility in the long run. Every step is a step towards great progress.
Remember that you are the biggest security blanket for your child. Start implementing these strategies today and see how your child copes with changes with more ease and confidence!